Bright Side of Suffering
by WeAreLife
Summary: There may or may not be something significantly wrong with Jade but does she want to know? Jori.
1. Road of the Lost

"You should know. No one should have to go through guessing." The deep voice of my father came through the phone. I didn't respond. We've gone over this so many times and we still come back to the same thing so I shouldn't waste my breathe now pleading with him. He doesn't understand. He isn't the one having to go through this. Knowing would only make things worse.

"There is such a high chance, sweetie. You don't want to risk something like this, Jade. Doesn't it kill you not knowing?"

"No, dad, it doesn't." I hung up on him. I know I was being too harsh on him. He's only looking out for me. I padded around my apartment to my bedroom. After graduating from Hollywood Arts, I bought an apartment out here in Riverside because of a job offer from a company called Fearless Records as record producer.

The gang kind of split up after graduation. None of us really talk to each other anymore. The only person I really keep up with is Cat because she lives in the apartment next to mine. Cat works as a pastry artist. Andre became a semi famous R&B singer. Beck became a teacher of martial arts. Robbie is a local comedian / ventriloquist and married Cat. Trina still lives with her parents out in Hollywood, but who would want to talk to her anyway? As for Tori, she fell off the face of the earth.

It was getting late now but my dad's words have been weighing down on me. I really should know. There are things I should be doing about it. But frankly, I don't want to know. I mean, who would? Hell, what would I do if I knew? My life would transpire into a downward sprial. There wouldn't be anyway out of it. My time is running out. The percentage of this coming out as good thing for me is lower than low. I could put this off for some time and prolong my sentence but what would be the point? The end is the same either way I go, just as it is for everyone in the world. I just so happen to be dealt the shit card out of life. It's a 90 - 10 chance that I lose. Everytime I have this battle with myself, I always come out with the same conclusion. I need to accept that this could be a very potential problem for me and I need to do something about it. I need to know if I have Huntingtons.

I got in bed and prepared myself for another sleepness night.

I dreaded this morning. Today I get the previlege of knowing whether my life span has been shortened or not. I made myself look as decent as I could for the potential news I'll be receiving. A pair of dark jeans and a sark green long sleeve shirt. I curled my hair and headed out towards Riverside Plainsboro. I arrived to a small building and took my seat in the back in a small blue chair. Socializing has never been one of my strong suits. I always hated going to the doctor. They're always so happy go lucky about things. Doctors in a hospital are the ones you have to worry about though. But, they get to play God. So I understand why they have a God complex. More power to them though, they know their shit.

"Are you Jade West?" A high pitched voice said to me while tapping me on the shoulder. I guess I was too caught up in my thoughts to hear anyone call my name. I nodded.

"Follow me." The small blonde girl said with a smile. I don't see how anyone here could smile. You are about to find out if you could die early but I'm going to smile anyway. Doesn't make sense, huh?

She led me into a small room with a chair and a bed-ish thing that you're supposed to sit on so the doctor can examine you or whatever. I hate small rooms. Why would anyone make it this small anyway? I look up to the blonde lady and she's going on about something but I haven't heard a damn thing she has been saying.

"Your doctor will be here in a moment. Sit tight." She smiled and left the room. I'm left in complete silence. They should at least have some background music or something. Elton John or some shit. I wonder if the doctors here have to tell everyone to sit tight. As if people leave before getting their results. I don't blame them. Hell, I've done it before. I'm again thrown out of my thoughts when I hear the door softly shut behind some lady I presume to be my doctor. She's at the counter putting a file down before she turns to me. I give out a small gasp.

"Vega?"

**AN: Well, I would like to know your thoughts on this! Leave me a review, guys. :D**

**Chapter names are the names of songs that fit the chapter by certain bands I like which I will leave like so.**

**Miss May I. - Band name.**


	2. Danger in the Manger

"When I read the file name, I wondered if this was the one and only Jade West." The doctor said. I did a double take over her body to make sure this was her. Her long brown hair curled down her shoulders. Her chocolate brown eyes were shielded by those black rimmed glasses she used to wear all the time. She has the brightest smile I have ever seen. Seriously, she could light up Hell. Her tan sking seemed to glow in the slighty dimmed room. To say she looked nice in her lab coat would be an understatement of the word understatement.

My mouth went dry. I couldn't get any words to come out. I suppose I was staring too long because she cleared her throat and went back to the file she put on the counter.

"So um... Huntingtons..." Tori mumbled. I guess not wanting to make this seem like a big deal. I was still transfixed by her. I've never seen someone so beautiful before and I wondered how I never noticed before now. I mean sure, she's always been pretty but damn.

I still couldn't get any words out so I settled with nodding.

"Well, let's get started." She smiled. "has anyone in your family had Huntingtons?"

"My mom." I just barely got those two words out.

"Right, so you do realise the chances are very high then?" I nodded. "Alright, on with the tests then." she walked close to me and I felt my heart thud against my chest rapidly. She took the stethoscope from around her neck and told me to breathe in as deep as I could. I took three as she pressed the cold metal on to me. "Breathing seems fine. She put the scope back aroung her neck and walked over to the cabinet and brought back a small flash light. She check my ears and eyes while asking me questions.

"How have you been feeling lately?" She asked calmly.

"Um. I don't know. Alright, I guess. As well as I could be having this uhhh 'problem' dawning over me and my dad doing knowing but worrying me about it."

"Normal, I suppose. He's just worried about his kid. I can't help but notice you didn't mention mom there."

I stayed silent. There's something I don't talk about often. I had to choke the tears back. I can't do this right now.

"Okay, follow the light with your eyes." I guess I'm not doing so well because she makes a scrunched up face while I do so.

"Alright, we'll check your reflexes and balance now." She said turning the light off and returning it back to her pocket. We do those tests along with stength and coordination. She hasn't said anything about how I've done so I can only assume the worst.

"Okay, last couple of things. I need and blood sample and we'll have to take a CT scan." She walks back over to the cabinet and brings out a needle.

"Alright, you'll feel a pinch then it's over, not that I think you'll have a problem with pain." She said with a wink as she took my blood.

"Okay, now if you don't mind following me." She handed the blood to the small blonde lady and brought me to another small room with a giant machine in it.

"Just lay down here." She walked into another room and talked to me through the intercom.

"There ya go. It'll only take a second." I waited, feeling a little nervous over all of this.

"Alright. You're done." I got up and sat on the edge on the machine.

"So what does that mean?" I asked.

"Well, we aren't allowed to give out the results nor can we read them. We have to send them off to another doctors office and they will email you to let you know. Now, I have other patients to attend to but, I would like to catch up with you sometime, Jade. Here's my number. And um good luck." Luck has never been on my side I thought to myself has she handed me her number on a slip of paper. I put in my jacket pocket and left the building.

Figuring that there wasn't really much to do at my house, I pounded on Cat's door. When I saw the bright little red head open the door, I rushed in like I owned the place.

"What's up?" She asked.

"Nothing really. Just bored."

We sat around talking mindlessly about nothing and some serious things like when I was ever going to get another girlfriend or how Robbie was never home because he's always doing stand up comedy.

"Oh, hey. Guess who I ran into today." I said.

"Who?"

"Tori."

"Tori, Tori? As in Tori Vega?" She asked with a puzzled look locked on her face.

"No, Tori Smith." I said sarcastically. "Of course, Tori Vega."

"How? Where?"

"Uh. The store. Yeah, uh, Walmart. That makes sense." I mumbled. I haven't told Cat about this yet. Or anyone for that matter. I don't want anyone to be worried about me for no reason, ya know?

"One time, my brother passed out in the clothes section of Walmart. They thought he was a robber and took him to jail." She giggled. Her brother finally got locked up in the looney bin not too long ago. That guy was a real nut job. He was worse than Sikowitz.

I brushed off what she said and changed the subject really quick.

"You should have seen her. She looks amazing. Better than she did in high school."

"I always knew you had to the hots for Tori." She smirked.

"She looks good. Anyone could admit that. I'm not blind. I can tell when someone is attractive. But come on. This is annoying Vega we're talking about."

We went on talking until it got late and I retreated back to my apartment. The next morning, I awaited the news all day. I did everything to try and keep my mind off of it but I still found myself refreshing my email page over and over again.

It was around seven at night when I recieved the message. I quickly clicked on the email to finally put an end to this guessing game.

_Dear Jade West,_

_We are sorry to inform you that your test results came back positive. We have scheduled you another appointment with doctor Vega for next Monday on what you should do. _

_With all of our regardes, Cuddy Medical Team._

So, the cards haven't been dealt in my favor. That's it then. I don't even know how to feel about this. I mean, how are you supposed to feel about knowing your life was just significantly cut? Practically in half? I'll end up just like my mom. No control over anything I do. I guess I feel numb. It doesn't seem real. Expecting something like this is nothing compared to actually knowing it's a real thing. I don't know how long I stared at the computer screen or when I ended up the local bar. All I know is I'm getting shit faced tonight.

"GIve me a few shots of vodka or something, I don't know." I said throwing a ten dollar bill to the bar tender. I kept this going until I couldn't see anymore.

**AN: to IAmStoopKid, loosely based off House, yes. You caught it. There will be many references. :D Also, I love "Is A Jellyfish Sting Deadly"... youknowmaybeupdatethatshitwh at? **

**Anyway, if any of you haven't read that story, get on it. **

**Also, if you guys don't know what Huntington's is, basically, it's a disorder passed down in the family where you slowly lose control over your muscles. **

**Thank you to everyone who has reviewed, followed, and favorited so far!**

**The band of the chapter name is iwrestledabearonce.**


	3. The Foolish One

I woke up the next morning in a white room and in a fairly comfortable bed, wrapped in a set of covers. Panic struck me as soon as I realized that no room in my apartment is white. I tried to get up and quickly faltered when pain hit me. It felt like a train had slammed into my skull. I shook it off as much as I could and slipped on over towards the room door. I grabbed a hold to the cold door knob and turned it as slow as I could, not to alert anyone around. I pulled the door open to a mere crack and peered outside into the next room. I couldn't see anyone but I heard a tv show on faintly. I creeped out the door to find out just what the hell was going on. I made it through the next the kitchen and as soon as I was about to walk into the living room I felt a presence behind me. Oh, God. Fuck. This was it. I'm going to be killed. I quickly spun around to attack the figure until it flinched and called my name. I reared back my fist and realized I was completely fine.

"Tori?" I questioned.

"Yeah. Watch out. Shit. You almost gave me a heart attack." She said laughing it off.

"Sorry, I have no idea where I am and well I uh thought you were about to kill me."

"Well when you decided to have a one woman throw down with yourself at the bar last night, I got a call to come and pick you up. So now you're at my house."

"What the… I didn't…" Then everything that happened the night before came flooding in.

_Just a few more, Randy." I slurred waving around another bill._

"_My name is Ricky." He said annoyed, grabbing the bill and handing me another shot glass. I snatched it from the bar and downed it in one go. I soon felt the urge to throw up so I quickly ran towards the bathroom although I'm not sure if I made it or not. I only remember being frisked by the bar owner and him pulling out a piece of paper out of my jacket pocket and then leaving._

"I suppose the bar owner called you and then you picked me up then?" I sighed. She nodded.

"I assume the test results then…?"

There was no need to answer because I'm sure it was crystal clear.

"I'm sorry…." She said barely above a whisper.

"I don't need your pity, Vega. It's going to happen so everyone might as well get over it." I said glaring at her. I'm not really trying to be cold hearted but I don't want her to know how I feel.

"Oh, really? Is that why you were at the bar drinking yourself to oblivion?" She was getting angry. She has no reason to be angry. I should be the one mad.

"Thank you for picking me up, Vega. I appreciate it." I went back to the room I woke up in and grabbed my things to leave. Surprisingly, Tori didn't live too far away from me. I had work in the morning so I had a few things to take care of around the place. After cleaning up and getting my clothes ready for the next day, I received a text from Tori.

"I'm sorry for getting mad. I just care about you is all." I guess the guy used my phone to call her cause I have no idea how she got my number. I ignored the text and went back to my room. I got in bed and felt rather restless. I couldn't keep everything off my mind. There are so many things I haven't been able to do. So many things I need to do. My thoughts keep leading to one thing. I'm going to die soon. And not only will I die, I'm going to suffer first. I got up and went to my medicine cabinet in the bathroom and took a few sleeping pills. I use to have to do this all the time to keep from thinking about my mother.

"_Come here, Jade!" My mom called out to a seven year old me. My mom had taken me to the park for my birthday and we were going out for ice cream next. I jumped off the swing and ran over towards her. She gave me tiny kiss on the forehead and took my hand. On the way to the car, she dropped her drink. _

"_Damn it!" She seemed so upset about it. _

I could never understand why she was so upset about it. Now I know first hand. I soon drifted off to sleep with the thoughts of my mom clouding my mind.

When I awoke the next morning, I had another text from Tori telling me not forget about the appointment I had with her today.

The good thing about working for Fearless Records is my job is very relaxed. There aren't any set rules about anything just as long as we get the job done. I don't want to look like some corporate ass, so I put on the outfit I picked out yesterday which consisted of a black tank top with black jeans. On the drive, I thought about getting a new piercing to go along with my eyebrow or maybe a new tattoo.

I recorded a new song with a band called Issues then got the rest of the off. Today was a fairly good day. But it was quickly brought down when a voice in my head said "You won't have many more like this."

My appointment is at 2:00 but I don't have any intentions of going to it now. I went straight home and crawled into bed. I turned off my phone because I'm sure to get a few calls or something from Tori. I bundled up in my covers and stared off into space. I wallowed in depression for the next few days. I skipped work. I didn't talk to anyone. I didn't answer the door when people started knocking. I didn't eat or drink. I just laid in bed. I know you're thinking that the mighty Jade West wouldn't sub come to this emotion but no. Knowing you only have a few more years left to live takes a toll on you. I can't seem to come out of this.

I grabbed my phone and turned it on ignoring the mass amount of text messages and missed phone calls I had. I scrolled down to the contact I needed.

"Hey, Ryder." I mumbled.

"Jade? Haven't heard from you in quite some time."

"Yeah, I know. Do you think I could come over?"

"Is this for Beck again?"

"Uhhh no."

"Well who? You? You're kidding." He laughed.

"Shut up, dick. Just give me something."

"Come over."

I hung up on him and practically ran to my car. I couldn't get there fast enough. I use to come here all the time for Beck. He used to be quite the party boy. I never did much with him. I was never into that scene. Maybe a joint here and there but not really and nothing serious.

I pounded my fist against the door. Ryder answered. He looked around then motioned me inside his house.

"So what exactly are you looking for?" He asked leaning against the wall in the living room.

"Something to make me happy or not think."

"I got the perfect thing." He said quickly retreating to his room and returning seconds later. He handed me a small ziplock bag full of capsules with some white powder in them.

"That right there is called Ecstasy. It'll make you real happy. But hear me out, don't take too much at one time. You'll start seeing things." I took the bag and contemplated whether I really wanted to do this or not.

"How much?" I asked.


	4. Mr Highway is Thinking about the End

"Thirty." I swiped the bag up and handed him the bills.

"Let's go hang out somewhere. Catch up a little, ya know? It's been awhile."

We went to a small club around town and took a seat in the back in a booth. We ordered a few drinks, which he paid for.

"So what has you coming to me for... release...?" He asked sipping on his drink.

"Nothing important." I said trying to dismiss the question.

"If that were true, we wouldn't be here, now would we?" He said using his 'cool guy logic'.

I fiddled with the ziplock bag in my pocket. I opened it, took ywo out, and popped them in my mouth while chasing them down with my drink.

"I have Huntingtons. And I would appreciate it if you wouldn't go around telling anyone yet."

He didn't say anything right away and frankly, I didn't expect him to. I know it's hard to talk about. It was an awkward silence before he said anything.

"People in your life have a right to know. How would you feel if one day, you came home and Beck was dying of some sort of cancer or something? You would feel hurt because he didn't tell you, right?" I didn't respond to his obvious rhetorical question.

"I'm just going to add one thing though. Live life hard, Jade." He said getting up and downing his last drink. "I have to get back home before my wife does. It was nice getting to see you again, Jade. See you soon, I hope. Maybe not for the same circumstances." He gave a wink and left. I sat in the booth vaguely feeling the efects from the pills and staring off into space caught up in his parting words. I wasn't even aware that I wasn't paying attention until a figure appeared before me in the seat in front of me. She asked a question but I didn't really listen. The woman was very pretty. She had long brown hair. Straight as a board. Deep hazel eyes. The pills really are taking an effect now. I can't pay attention to anything.

"I'm sorry, what did you just say? I'm a little out of it." I asked, trying to shake off the pills momentarily.

She smiled and what a beautiful smile at that.

"Was that guy who left your boyfriend?" She had a melodic voice. I shook my head.

"You wanna get out of here?" She smirked at me. I like her style. Right to the point. Ryder's words crept in. "Live lif hard." I grabbed my things and motioned for her to follow me. Along the way back to my place, I found out her name was Olivia. I didn't give her mine. I don't really plan on having anything else to do with her.

These pills make everything sound like a good idea. They make it sound fun. Right as I shut the door behind me, Olivia was all over me. She pressed me against the door, attacking me with her lips. I gently pushed her off me after the brief make out session and pulled her towards my room and to my bed. I pushed her down on it and pulled my shirt off. I crawled on top of her and removed her shirt as well as her bra. I took each beast in hand and gave a small squeeze. I kissed her neck amd down towards her stomach until there was a loud banging at my door. If I ignore it, it'll go away. I went back to kissing down on her but the knocking didn't stop. Son of a bitch. I put a tank top on and went to answer the door. I swung the door open.

"What the hell is... Tori?" My mouth hung open.

"Hey, Jade. I came to explain... wait. Are you high? You're high. What the fuck is wrong-" She was cut off by Olivia.

"Jade, come... oh." She retreated back to the room.

I saw the slight bit of pain run across Tori's eyes.

"So you're doing drugs and random people?" She gave a small laugh.

"I'm living life, Tori. Packing as much life into my life as I can." I said thinking back to Ryder's words.

"Well when you're ready to do something about your problem, give me a call." She said running out of the room. I tried to chase after her but she was already gone.

"Olivia, leave." She didn't say anything but I could tell she was pissed. butI didn't care. I sat on the couch in my living room after she left in complete silence. The more I think about it, the more I realise I'm just becoming more and more of a burden on people. Maybe I should just go ahead and do it. Whenever the disease takes over, people will have to do everything for me. Feed me, bath me, everything. Just like my dad and I had to do with my mother. I don't want to be like that. And I sure as hell don't need a pity party. I won't even know what the fuck is going on. I mean, damn. If I go ahead and do it, it'll solve everything. It's enevitable anyways. I should just do it now.

I got up from the couch and walked to my bathroom to the medicine cabinet. I grabbed my infamous sleeping pills. I poured as much as I could fit in my hand. I gave a small laughing and put a few in mouth at a time until they were gone. Sorry, everyone. It's for the better.

The more you suffer, the more it shows you really care, right? Yeah.

**AN: Chapter name - A Day to Remember.**

**I forgot last weeks. It was Chelsea Grin.**

**Review please. D: PLEASE. SWISS FUCKING CHEESE...**


	5. Wake Up

**Tori POV.**

I don't know why I thought that Jade would be different from she was in high school. She's still just as stubborn. It's like she wants to lose more time. She doesn't want help. She just wants to drown herself in this. When she didn't show up to her appointment, I knew something was wrong. When she didn't reply to any of my texts or calls, I knew something was wrong. And me being the person that I am, I had to check on her. I assumed the worst. And of course, when I did, it blew up in my face. Nothing was wrong like I thought. She was just having some 'fun' with drugs and some girl. It makes me so angry that she isn't willing to help herself. Or accept anyone else's help. She's just same old Jade as before.

On my way home, I stopped for a drink. I reached for my phone to see the time just to realize I didn't have it. I rummaged through my car, purse, everywhere. It was no where to be found. But then I remembered I sat it on Jade's table by the door when I walked in and yelled at her. I grabbed my drink and headed back to Jade's.

When I reached her door, I knocked lightly on it and it pushed open. Guess the whore bitch didn't shut the door on the way out.

"Jade?" I called out as I pushed the door open all the way and stepping in. I didn't want to just come in, but the temptation took over. I grabbed my phone off the table by the door. What if the girl didn't leave the door open? What if Jade is hurt? What if she isn't here and someone is stealing some stuff?

Great. I always get myself in to these situations.

I slowly inched into the living room, my heart beating a million (doctor word) I minute but what I saw, I was completely unprepared for. It was worse than anything I thought of. Jade was laying on the couch with a bottle of pills in her hand. Pills that fell from the bottle or her hand lined the black carpet beside her.

I ran over to her and put two fingers to her neck to feel her pulse rate. It was dangerously slow.

Fuck. I took my phone out and called the ambulance. It wasn't long before they got there. Ten minutes, maybe. The hospital wasn't that far away. As the paramedics came in and grabbed Jade, a small red headed woman came running in towards me.

"Tori! What's wrong with Jade!?" she was yelling and tears were forming in her eyes.

"She overdosed, Cat. I'm going to do my best to take care of her." I said calmly. We don't need too much commotion.

"You? What can you do to take care of her?" she was confused, tears openly falling down her face.

"I'm a doctor." I said climbing into the ambulance and closing the door behind me.

On the way to the hospital, we were already trying to pump her stomach.

The paramedics put the tube down to her stomach and did the work.

When we finally got her to the hospital and in a room, I was able to calm down a little. She was still unconscious and it was still unsure if she would wake back up. I sat in the chair next to her bed and looked at all the shit we had her hooked to. Her pulse rate was still low but that means there is still a chance.

Even with all the machines we had her to, she was still just as beautiful. She looked peaceful. I shook the thoughts out when Cat walked in.

"Will she be okay?" she asked with a defeated look on her face. Tear lines stained her face.

"We don't know yet." I mumbled, running my fingers through my hair.

"Why did she do it, Tori? She won't talk to me. She's been avoiding me for almost weeks now. She's supposed to be my best friend" her voice was cracking like she was going to cry some more but nothing came out. She was staring at Jade the whole time she talked.

"It's not my place to tell you. She has to. It's part of overcoming it." she gave a small nod in retaliation. She stayed for awhile and we had small talk until she decided it was time to get back home to Robbie. She asked me to keep her posted if anything happens.

I fell asleep in the chair sometime during the night. I woke up with a huge pain in my neck. A man with a cane walked in the room soon after I woke up and checked her chart. He didn't have any facial expression after reading the chart so I didn't know how to feel. He put the chart back on the hook and walked over to Jade and put his hand to her face.

"Who the hell are you?" I said jumping up.

"You her girlfriend?" He asked bluntly.

"I asked you a question." it was clear I was getting fairly angry.

"I'm the Detox fairy for your drugy girlfriend." he smirked through his stubbly face. I didn't give any sort of rebuttal.

"The diagnostic team leader. But you can call me whatever you want if you send me a tape of you and your girlfriend here." he said pointing his cane to Jade. What the hell is this guy's problem?

"Keep her hand out of the pill jar." he said limping away out of the room.

I looked at the chart after he left and felt her pulse. All her vitals were back to a normal rate. Now we just have to wait on her to wake up.

I texted Cat and told her Jade would more thank likely be fine. I hadn't eaten since this happened and it was showing. My stomach was growling loudly. I got up to go down to the cafeteria but was soon stopped by another man walking into the room. I moved out of the way and watched him.

The man walk over to Jade and grabbed her hand and sat down in the chair beside the bed. He started to sob and rub his thumb across Jade's hand. Soon after, he dried his face and composed himself accordingly. He cleared his throat and looked at me.

"Tori." he said standing up and smoothing out his clothes.

"Mr. West."

"Long time no see, huh?" he smiled. "So how did you know about Jade being here?" I paused.

"I'm Jade's doctor. I diagnosed her with Huntingtons." he nodded. He gave my shoulder a squeeze and left the room. I didn't feel much like eating after that.

I left the room soon after her dad did to get some fresh air after being stuck in that small room for quite some time. On the way back up to the room, I stopped at the cafeteria for some coffee. When I slid through the glass door to the room, Jade was stirring.

"Jade?" I asked, hope filling my voice. Her eyes fluttered open. Shock soon ensued them.

"Jade." I ran over and slammed into the chair.

"I'm not dead, am I? Damn." she chuckled.

"it's not fucking funny, Jade! You scared everyone!" I yelled at her. Smooth, Tori. She already feels bad enough and I'm sure you just made it so much better. She stayed quiet.

"I'm sorry, Jade. I was just so worried about you. Your dad was here, Cat came to-"

"Did you tell her anything?" her eyes glared.

"No, but she wanted to know. I told her it wasn't my place. You need to tell her. She's hurt." she stayed silent again. She's always been protective over Cat.

"I talked to the doctors when I got here. You already know you'll need to be on Suicide Watch." she was about to protest. "But I asked them if it was okay if I watched over you. So you can either go with me or stay here. Your choice." she looked at me then looked away really quick. We both knew what the decision was. Jade was going to be staying with me for a few days.

**AN: chapter name is by Suicide Silence.**

**Also, point of view changes won't happen often. This more than likely will be the only point of view change for the remainder of the story. **

**Another thing, I write most of this in school on my phone and re type it when I get home and today I had a substitute teacher who was... Well frankly, she was an ass hat. AKA a meany. and she was all "Put your phone up." and I was all "No bitch, go the fuck on." not really. I'm not disrespectful! But I wanted to... Anyway, I was a rebel and wrote anyway! Bad ass, right? I know. Story within a story. You guys get double today!**

**The things I do for you guys! So review for me. Or be damned... **


	6. Swerve City

**Just so we're clear on this, we're back to Jade's point of view.**

I should be dead. I shouldn't be here in this situation. I should be nothing. I should be in an endless sleep. No feelings. No pity. No burdens. No suffering. No anything. Zero. Decaying in the ground or food for some animals, I don't give a damn. It sounds so blissful. I could try again.

I grabbed my things while Tori went and talked to the other doctors about my release. I changed into some clothes and felt the need to rip apart the hideous pink gown they gave me to wear. Tori walked back into the room with keys in her hand.

"You have to stay with me for three days. If you try again, you have to go stay at an institution until they deem that you're ready to be out again. Think about what you want."

If I try again, it sure as hell won't be through pills so I could possibly not finish the job. It'll definitely be through someyjing more lethal. And I'm not worried about pain at all.

We trekked down to the parking lot to Tori's black Honda. I threw my stuff into the back seat and plopped down into the passengers seat while Tori gracefully sat in the drivers side, turned the ignition on, and backed out of the parking lot.

We sat in silence for some time of the ride. I knew the questions would be coming soon. First it'll be small talk then it'll turn into the serious shit. Man, I hate small talk.

"So how do you feel?" She asked soon after sitting in silence.

I shrugged.

"Oh... Well how about some lunch? I know hospital food isn't tasty." She smiles at me like nothing happened. I just looked out the window at this point.

It didn't take long to arrive at the destination. It wasn't too shabby of a place. Not exactly fast food but not exactly a restaurant either. We took our seats in the middle of the small building and read over the menus. Within moments the waiter came by.

"So what'll it be?" He smiled at both of us. It was abundantly clear that he hated his job. It actually brought a little joy to my heart.

"Cyanide." I said plainly.

"Anymore remarks like that and they'll send you to the looney bin." Tori smiled through her teeth as she said.

"It's a wonder they even let me out, right?" The look on our waiter's face just drived me to do it more.

"Jade, cut it out. I'll have a burger." Tori snipped at me.

"I guess if you're out of Cyanide, I'll take a salad." Tori stuck her tongue out at me and I have to say it was pretty damn cute.

Our waiter came back a few moments later and practically threw the food at us and scurried away.

"So a record producer, huh?" She said with a mouth full of meat and bread.

I nodded while taking a bite of the salad.

"What happened to becoming a actress?" She gave a quizzical look.

"Eh, not as easy as it looks, Tori. Plus, music never gives up on you, ya know?" She laughed. Why is she laughing?

"Who knew that te mighty Jade West could be deep?" She barely got out through laughing so hard.

"Well, alright, princess. A doctor? What happened to "I'm gonna be a famous pop singer" blah, blah?" I glared at her.

"If you must know, becoming a pop singer isn't as easy as it looks either." She smirked at me and we both started laughing softly. "Nah, but really, you know how my dad is a cop, right?" I nodded. "Well, one time, he was on a drug bust and one of the guys shot him and it wasn't looking too good for him but the doctors did their thing and pulled him through. I guess it kind of inspired me to become one."

Hearing that from Tori really shed some light on her. She doesn't let things that most peple would find heavy or not easy to talk about, fun, I guess you could say.

"Sorry about your dad, but how noble of you." I winked at her and I swear I could see a her face blush a little.

"You ready to go? We'll stop by your house and get some things for you." I stuffed the last few bites of the salad in my mouth and walked back to the car.

Tori and I made our way up the stairs and stopped in front of my door so I could unlock it but I never quite made it to that point before I was pushed into the door with a pair of slender arms around me pulling me into a tight hug. The person pulled back and before I could see who it was, I was being slapped upside the head.

"Hey now! Who do you think you... Cat?"

"What the hell is wrong with you!?" I could see the amount of pure anger in her eyes directed right at me. She was about to lunge at me again but Tori grabbed her and held her back.

"Cat! Cat! Calm down! Let her talk." Tori yelled. Halfway through Tori's sentence Cat had already calmed down.

I unlocked my door and motioned for both of them to walk in. I sat Cat down on the couch and Tori sat down in the recliner next to her.

"Seriously, Jade. What were you thinking?" Tears were brimming Cat's eyes and it literally felt like someone was stabbing my in the chest over and over again. I never wanted to hurt Cat. Or anyone for that matter.

"I have Huntingtons, Cat." I spat out quickly.

"I'm sorry, what? What the hell is that?" She was angry again. Why does everyone react that way? I'm the one who should be mad! I'm passed that phase though, rather.

"Long story short... wait that practically sums it up. What was supposed to be my long and enjoyable life is now cut short."

"I don't understand." Good, at least she was calm now.

"You remember that night?" I gave her the look that only she knew. "Well, that's going to happen to me." I shot a look at Tori. I could see that she felt left out. Cat gasped and those tears that were brimming her eyes moments before were now streaming down her face. "So I spite of that, I tried to not let that happen by going on ahead and well frankly put, ending it. I didn't want it to get that far."

"Why couldn't you just tell me? I could have helped maybe. Something. It wouldn't have gotten this far. We're supposed to be best friends." She sobbing at this point.

"I didn't even know what I was doing. I didn't want to worry you. I thought if I could just push it away and not think about it, it would just go away. Obviously, it didn't and it only got worse. I'm sorry, Kitten. I won't do it again." I figured I'd make it better by calling her by the nickname I gave her ages ago.

Cat dried her face and walked over to me and pulled me into a huge hug. I buried my face in her neck and hugged back with as much force as she gave me. A literal weight was just lifted off my shoulder and man, did it feel great.

I went into my room and grabbed my things. In the process, I could hear bits and pieces of Cat and Tori's conversation.

"Not hard to see."

Laughter from one.

"No... lying..."

Sterness from the other.

"Really... it's cool... care... her..."

I ran back into the living room with my stuff to see if I could catch the end of their conversation but I was too late. I arrived to see a pale Tori and a very unusally happy considering the situation, Cat. Tori jumped up and asked if I was ready.

I said my goodbyes to Cat and started to walk back down the stairs. I looked back up to see Cat whispering something in Tori's ear that made her eyes go wide and gasp which quickly turned into a slight smile.

Now I know how Tori felt earlier when Cat and I had our moment. I walked to the car and waited on Tori which didn't take too long. Tori came down to the car with happiness practically spilling over and out of her eyes. What the hell was she so happy about?

"I have to say, you aren't as annoying as you were in high school." I smirked at her.

"Thanks, I try." She giggled.

Today was really something new to me. But I could get you used to it.

When we made it to her house, we talked a little about nothing over a small dinner before saying she was beat and ready for bed. She showed me to the guest room which I was already accustomed to before heading to her own room.

I can definitely say that this was the first time I went to bed with a smile on my face.

**AN: Chapter name is by Deftones.**

**So I played Black Ops 2. I was rather unsatisfied. Multiplayer sucked. Campaign was borderline sucky. Best part was... well I don't want to ruin it for anyone that hasn't played it not that pertains to anything in the actual game but to anyone that may apply to skip the next line!**

**Avenged Sevenfold at the end was awesome.**

**Yep, that was it. **

**Anyway, review. Tell me you hate me for dissing Call of Duty or you liked the chapter. Something!**

**Also,**

**TimelessReader: Definite House reference.**

**Sea-Green93: While Scrubs is hilarious...^^^^^.**


	7. To Move On Is To Grow

I woke up in the middle of the night from another nightmare. It's the same reoccurring one about my mom. Except that it's not just a dream, it's real. Or was. I get to re live it over and over. I walked around the house trying to find the damn bathroom. Finally finding it, I pushed the door closed behind me and turned the sink on to splash some water on my face.

"Jade?" Tori called followed by a knock at the door. I turned from the sink to see Tori slowly coming in.

"I heard you wondering around, I got worried." she said as I grabbed an extra towel from the towel rack to dry my face. I placed the towel on the edge of the sink and ran my fingers through my hair.

"Nightmares." I don't know why I feel so open to Tori but she's easy to talk to. She makes me feel good about things. Happy even. I don't know how to explain it.

"Wanna talk about it?" she put her hand on my shoulder and pulled close to me. The action instantly made me feel warmer. I shook my head no. I'm not ready to open up all the way.

"we'll talk in the morning, alright?" she smiled and squeezed my shoulder then left. I felt cold again without her presence.

The next morning, I walked into the kitchen to find huddled up over the over with a blue apron around her slender body. She actually looked kind of sexy like that. I'm sorry, what? I shook the thought out of my head. All this shit going on has my hormones or something out of balance. She still hadn't taken notice to my presence so I took it upon myself to have some fun.

"Tori!" I yelled behind her and shook her a bit. She screamed, dropped the spatula she was using, and almost hit me in the face out of reflex but quickly retracted upon realizing it was me.

"I like it rough." I winked at her while taking a seat at the table in the kitchen.

"Don't do that again!" she said bending over picking up the utensil. I swear a small blush form across her face. I watched her until she finished cooking and fixed herself and I a plate of food before taking her seat across from me. I took a piece of bacon and bit into it and meaty goodness take over my mouth.

"this is amazing." I said with a mouth full of bacon. "Where did you learn to cook like this?" I practically shoved the rest of the piece in my mouth. She laughed.

"My mother taught me." She smiled. I couldn't even respond because I digging into the rest of the breakfast.

"So how are you feeling today?" she asked, sipping on her orange juice.

"What are you? My therapist now?" she looked hurt. "I'm kidding, Tori." The brightness in her eyes appeared again. "I feel fine, pretty tired. I couldn't get back to sleep until around sixish."

"More nightmares or something?" I dismissed the question.

"What did you and Cat talk about yesterday while I was out of the room?" She instantly looked nervous, nearly choking on her food.

"Nothing! I mean uh nothing. Excuse me. " she emptied her plate in the trash and put the dish in the sink. She retreated to her room. Was it something I said? Something on my face? I finished my food and placed the dish in the sink on top of Tori's.

I walked around looking at pictures on the wall and most of them were of her family and such. There was one picture that caught my attention though. Tori was holding hands with some blonde woman. Tori looked a few years younger in it. Must have been soon after high school. Maybe even college still. I walked into the living room and sat on the couch. Moments later, Tori returned and sat down next to me.

"Who is the blonde woman in that picture in the hallway?" I asked curiously.

"Lana. My ex. I actually don't even know why I still have that picture. I'm not really home much because of my job so I guess I never got around to getting rid of it." she answered.

"I didn't take you to be into the ladies." I was fairly surprised. I always had the suspension with all the guys she never acted really interested in but I never really thought she could be.

"Well then what happened?" I questioned farther.

"My job got in the way, I suppose. I was never home so she found someone else. We weren't together long so it didn't really matter."

"I'm sorry anyway." she nodded.

The next few days went on like this. Just finding things out about each other that has happened over the few year we lost touch with each other. I found myself becoming more and more fond over her. She wasn't annoying Tori anymore. She was brilliant really. I could actually hold a conversation with her now. And I can't help but notice how much of a looker she is now. I mean, she was pretty in high school, but now, it's like she tripled in that department. I really enjoy being in her presence now. I'm starting to think that I like her more than I should. Tori wanted to go out to do something today before she let's me go back to my apartment.

"Where are we going?" I asked, putting some black combat boots on and fixing my hair while Tori grabbed her keys and checked herself in the mirror.

"Movies. We're gonna go see the Scissoring 2. Let's go." she smiled.

I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face. This girl knows me pretty well already. I followed behind Tori and locked the door behind us. When we got to the theatre, we walked up to the ticket guy and paid, stopping by the concession for drinks and candy. We handed out ticket stubs to the guy who checks them. He told us which room to go to and we took our seats in the back of the dark theatre. Halfway through the movie and the junk food, Tori started to hide her eyes from the gruesome massacre of the main character. I took Tori's hand in mine and tried to make her feel better. She looked at me, smiled, and settled in near me. She squeezed my hand tighter around hers. Every time another scene like that came on, she would hide her face in the crevice of my neck. It made me smile every time. It made me insanely happy. Happier than it should have.

After the movie, Tori drove me back to my apartment and walked me to my door.

"Thank you for tonight, Tori." I smiled. I'm being too sappy.

"My pleasure. You have a appointment with my tomorrow though, alright? Please, don't try anything stupid." she pleaded with me. I can tell it's hard for her to leave me right now. She doesn't trust me. Which is understandable. I don't even trust me.

"You can tell Cat to watch over me or something. I promise not to do anything you wouldn't want me to."

Lie.

How can I promise that? I haven't been alone for awhile now. She's been there to keep my mind off things. To make me happy. To care for me. Now I'm not saying that no one else does those things for me. It just feels stronger with her. I can return the feelings with her.

She leaned in and wrapped her hands around me. I was taken off guard by it. My entire body felt hot. I could literally feel the blood rushing to my face. I was blushing hard. I put my arms around her and pulled her into me. The smell of vanilla took over my senses. I couldn't get enough. I almost didn't let her go until I figured a full minute was too long for a 'friendly' hug.

We exchanged our goodbyes and I watched her leave and not because she has a nice body, mind you, but because I was lost in some sort of Tori trance that I couldn't get myself out of.

Which is bad.

**AN: Did it feel like I progressed too fast? I feel like I did. I also wasn't feeling this chapter very much. I'm sure that's clearly seen and I apologize. I complained to my girlfriend about it all day.**

**Chapter name is by We Came As Romans. **

**Kiidnothing: You know, I didn't really like Battlefield 3 all that much. Or any of them actually. The maps were too big and the campaign wasn't fast paced. And that's why I didn't like Black Ops 2. It felt like Battlefield. Now Halo is where it's at. Halo 4 is the shit. Also, nice username.**

**But really, I'm an RPG kinda girl myself. Elder Scrolls and Dragon Age kind of games are my preference. But I'll try anything out.**

**On that note, if any of you want to add me on Xbox Live or Playstation Network - **

**Xbox Live: Slayground.**

**PSN: Disastertology. **

**Yeah so... Review please. **

**P**

**L**

**E**

**A**

**S**

**E. **

**That's me begging. :D**


	8. Runaway

The doctors said I could go back to work when I was released from Tori's care.

After work the next day, I went to Plainsboro for my appointment with Tori. I took the same seat in the back of the room and for whatever reason, I was much more nervous this time than I was when I was finding out if I had the disease or not.

The same blonde doctor from before came up to me.

"Jade West?" I nodded. "Mind following me?" I got up and she smiled. I followed behind her to the room Tori was already waiting in. Tori motioned for the chair/bed they always make you sit on. The other doctor smiled at me again and left, shutting the door behind her.

"What's up, doc?" I smirked.

"Funny." she chuckled. "You can't imagine how much I get that. Anyway, we have a few tests to do for a round about estimate of um... The uh time frame we're working with here. Then we'll start you on a regimen of things to help prolong it." She grabbed my hand, which sent sparks throughout my entire body, then pulled me off the bed and pulled me down the hall to a small room with a chair sitting in the middle. Where there would usually be a arm rest, there was a metal bar with a circular fixture at the end with five small dots and lights lining the top of each dot.

"Alright, what I want you to do is lay your hand flat on the bar and the tip of each of your fingers to fall in each of the dots. When the lights light up, follow them and with each corresponding light, tap underneath it in the dots. But don't pick up your hand. It needs to stay flat." she said with her file in hand.

"Sounds easy enough." she smiled and started the lights up. I was doing fine for maybe the first minute but I started to fuck up losing track of the lights and not touching the dots fast enough. I was getting angry with myself. But I tried to keep my composure cool for Tori. Soon enough I had gotten back control over my hand. It hadn't taken over five minutes in all.

"Alright, you're done." She scribbled some things in her file and again, motioned me to follow her. We arrived back to the room and I sat in a chair next to the wall.

"I'm going to go scan this and I'll be right back with the results." she didn't even look at more or smile. I suppose it's understandable. It's not anything to be happy about but a smile or something would make it better. Especially from her.

What? Stop thinking! I sat and played thumb war with myself waiting on Tori to return. Frankly, it was taking forever! I assume it was around twenty minutes later by the time she returned. She again didn't look at me. She even looked a little sad. She cleared her throat and turned towards me.

"I'll just get straight to it then. About twelve or thirteen years. Maybe a little over or under." she said and instantly looked to the ground.

I was a little shocked. I thought I at least had maybe fifteen or at most twenty. My mom went to almost fifty five years old. And I'm only going to make it to maybe thirty seven. And that's pushing it. I know what you're thinking too. Twelve years is lengthy. You have plenty of time. But no. Not even a year ago, I thought I was going to live until like seventy maybe eighty give or take getting hit by a car or something, ya know.

Having a dead line on your life if a very sucky outcome.

I felt the tears rimming my eyes. Tori walked over to me and pulled me into her. I felt her arms wrap around my neck and her head snuggle against mine. I let out a sob and quickly regained my composure. Once Tori let me go, I wiped the few tears that were ringing my eyes and dried my face.

"I'm cool." I laughed. When did I become such a sap? Tori laughed along with me.

I began to get up from my seat to leave, but Tori stopped dead in her tracks when I got up and I ran right into her. Her hands went straight to my hips to keep me from falling. I instantly grabbed hold to her shoulders. And as if we were working with the same mind, we both started to lean in towards each other. Our lips touched gently and I swear, a billion sparks went off. Her lips were so soft. I melted in them. Tori is quite the... Tori... Tori! I broke the kiss and backed away. Not happening. Not happening. Oh god, it happened.

"This isn't a good idea, Tori." I didn't even give her a chace to have a say in the matter before I took off out of the door and to my car.

Fuck.

**AN: I just want to know why game developers think it's a good idea to invert the fucking camera!? Why!? You know whenever you press down on the analog stick and the camera goes up!? UP IS UP! NOT DOWN. **

**And you know, it wouldn't be that bad if they gave you an option to switch it but sometimes they don't! Like on Sly Cooper, for example. **

**So that happened. **

**It's a short, I know. it just felt like a good place to cut it off. Also, I didn't mean to be cheesy. **

**And chapter name is by Hail the Villain.**

**Also, pleaseee review. Seriously. :O**


	9. Born to Lose

I sped away with my thoughts going at a million a second. I mean, clearly it's not a secret that Tori is fruity. And so am I. But I sure as hell am not ready for that. It's just not a good idea.

I stopped around at the pier at the beach to think. I needed to clear my head before doing anything else. I walked through the gravel and up to the wooden planks of the pier. There was a cool breeze that made the water around the pier sway softly. The sky wasn't insanely bright as it was everyday, it was clouded over. It was a perfect scene. I made my way to the end of the pier and leaned over the railing, propping my arms on it to watch the seemingly endless water ahead of me. It seemed surreal to just go on and on like that. Virtually no end. It's an odd feeling, being jealous of something as simple as the water of the ocean. I looked down and saw a few little fish swimming around. You ever heard that fish don't have feelings? They just swim around all day practically doing nothing. Just swimming. No purpose. I wish I could be like that.

"What's on yer mind, miss?" a deep voice called from beside me. It startled me, to say the least. I jumped back, thrown from my thoughts. My hand found my heart instantly and I gasped as loud as I could, with my mouth hung agape. He jumped back just as I did.

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to scare ya like that." We both calmed down after that. After I was sure I still had a heart beat, I looked up to the man. He was a scraggily man. Maybe mid fifties, sixties. He had a rough beard, piercing green eyes, shoulder length brown hair under what looked to be a Navy or sailor hat.

I cleared my throat before speaking.

"Nothing really." I answered.

"Come on, now. No one just comes out here, zones out at the oceans, and sighs out of sadness without anything bothering them." he smiled. I get the feeling this isn't his first time doing this with someone. I snickered.

"Yeah, I suppose you're right." I mumbled.

"Guy problems?" He questioned.

"Girl and among a few others."

"Ouch. Quite the predicament then, huh?" He laughed. To be quite honest, I didn't expect him to react that way about the gayness but I never expect anyone to. Most people don't.

"You're telling me." I nodded. He backed away from the railing and looked dead at me. I turned from the railing and leaned my back against the railing and crossed my arms across my chest. I raised my eyebrow at him.

"I assume you aren't going to go into detail about any of these problems so I'll stick with the one I know. This girl, do you like her?" I shrugged. I really don't know. I don't know this guy either and I'll probably never see him again so there isn't a reason to lie.

"If you don't know, there where is the problem?" he glared at me.

"Because I don't mind the thought of it and I wouldn't mind exploring the feeling. I've known her forever and we drifted apart but recently became acquainted again through my..." I paused and looked up at him through my almost outburst. I don't think this guy would do it, but I don't want anyone's pity. "Circumstances. And well frankly, I do realize that I have certain developing feelings for her, however, it won't end well." Half of that wasn't intended for me to say but you know, what the hell. It just came out.

"While I am curious to a few things you've left out, I won't pry, but I can't give you proper advice. However, I will leave you with this. What the hell do you have to lose?" He gave me a smile and left without another word.

I turned back to the ocean. And zoned back out.

He's right though.

What the hell do I have to lose?

**AN: There is a basis for the progression in the last chapter! It's not so abnormal for a relationship to go that fast. So basically, while this chapter is short, it's more of a just... like a clear up chapter, if that makes sense. So forgive me.**

**In other news, I stayed at my girlfriend's house this weekend and we played Halo 4 and Black Ops all weekend. **

**Chapter name is by The Devil Wears Prada. **

**Anyway, I don't know if any of you guys have been on any hardcore drugs before, but your reviews are like that to me! Highly addictive! Which means review please! **

**^that's a complete joke, by the way. Just in case anyone gets butt hurt about it, ya know. Except the part about reviewing. I really want you to do that... :D**


	10. Excuses

I walked back from the pier to my car and grabbed my phone, ignoring the few text messages I had from Tori. I want to get this out of the way first before I read those. I scrolled through my contacts and found Tori's number. I touched the screen to type a text message. My fingers rolled across the glass and finished the message. I read over it once to be sure.

We need to talk, Tori. Come to my place after work. - Jade.

It seems like it could go either way through the context of it but I pressed send anyway. Climbed into the car and looked at the ocean once more before pulling out on to the route to my house.

I still have my doubts about this. I mean, we both know how this will end if we go this route and I don't think that it's a fair thing to put her through.

I got a text from Tori confirming that she was on her way a few moments after I had gotten back to my apartment. I had forgotten about the other texts I received from her. One explained how sorry she was over what she did. Well, Tori, it wasn't like you could make me kiss you back, it takes two people. The other said that she was hoped our friendship wasn't on the line now or severed. Far from it, Tori. Far from it.

I did a quick scan over the living room to make sure it was decent. I haven't done much of personalizing it. It was practically how I bought it besides the gold records I had on the walls of the bands I recorded for that made it that far. The floor was a hard wood finish with a black rug in the middle. I had a glass table that was given to me by my dad when I moved in. It had a real gothic appeal to it. The entertainment area took up most of the living room's space. The walls were white which I don't particularly enjoy but one side of the room where a wall would be, there were walls of glass and a sliding door with a small balcony attached. It was a great view of the area. When the city was lit up at night, it was mesmerizing.

It wasn't even an hour before I heard small taps at my door. I padded from the living room to the door and swung it open.

"I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am. I'm sorry. I'm so sorrryyyyyy. I don't know how you'll forgive me but please forgi-"

"Tori, shut up. Listen..." I grabbed her hands that she was flailing around everywhere. I pulled her inside and shut the door behind me. "I like you. I liked the kiss. I like the thought of being with you." her face lit up with happiness which tore me up on the inside for the next part. "However, I have given it some thought and it still isn't a good idea." the happiness instantly disappeared from her face.

"Why?" her voice was unsteady.

"You know why. I'm just looking out for you because I care about you. Don't do this to yourself." She didn't have anything to reply with. She just looked down to the floor. "You have to understand where I'm co-" I was cut off my Tori's soft lips on mine. They fit perfectly with mine. Our lips moved to the same rhythm in perfect succession like the moment was meant to happen right in the middle of my living room. She pulled back and leaned her head on mine.

"You deserve to be happy. And I want to be the one to try and do so. Please, just give it a shot. I know the risk I'm taking." she whispered.

The strangers words hit me again. I kissed the top of Tori's head. She looked up with hopeful eyes. I nodded at her. Her face instantly lit back up as a huge smile spread across her face. I swear, she could brighten the reapers day with that smile.

She wrapped her hands around the back of my neck and pulled me into another kiss. My hands gripped onto her hips and pulled her as close to my body as I could get her.

I pulled away from the kiss this time and smiled at her.

"Wanna hang out for awhile? Watch a movie or something?" she smiled which answered my question.

I motioned her to the living room and I followed behind her. I told her to grab a movie from the shelf as I took a seat on the couch. She put the movie in the DVD player and took the seat next to me on the couch. I put my arm around her shoulder and pulled her into me. She snuggled in. I looked to the tv screen to see the Hostile title screen showing.

"Of all movies, you chose one you know you'll get scared on? You know you can't handle this."

"You make me feel safe though so it's okay." I felt the heat flow to my face. She always finds a way to make me blush. I leaned over and kissed her cheek then started the movie.

There were a few parts in the movie where Tori had to cover her eyes or hide on my shoulder. it was cute to say the least.

After the movie, I'm sure Tori was scarred for life. Her eyes were open so wide, I was scared that they may have been stuck like that. I couldn't help but bust out laughing.

"You gonna be alright Tori?" I said through a fit of laughter. She couldn't even say anything. "I told you that you couldn't handle it."

"That shit was unreasonable! The director should be locked up for that!" she yelled.

"You're gonna be scared tonight sleeping alone." I winked at her. She stuck her tongue out at me.

"You remember when you and Cat were talking the other day while I was in the room grabbing my stuff?" I asked turning the conversation mood.

"Yeah, why?"

"What were you guys talking about?"

"She was saying we would make a good couple." she smiled. That conniving piece of-

"Jade?" Tori asked, concern emanate on her face. "You looked a little pissed all of a sudden."

"Well my 'best friend' could have told me something about this, ya know." I made air quotations for the best friend part. I'll get her back soon enough. She laughed. "Hey, after work tomorrow, you wanna maybe go get some dinner or something?" I looked down to the floor really quick out of nervousness. I felt the rambling coming on or the blushing.

"Its a date." She smiled, gave me a quick kiss and left without another word. I couldn't help the smile break on to my face.

That girl is a handful.

What have I gotten myself into?

**AN: I hate when people put their summary in every chapter of their story. What's the point? I read the summary before I even read the story! I don't need to read it twenty more times! In fact, it's already there! Above where the story starts!**

**Also, in regards to their relationship, it isn't like they are just meeting or anything. They were friends in school so it's not like they don't already know a few things about each other. Just another clear up.**

**Anyway, review please, I need motivation!**

**A break from all the metal music to something softer!**

**Chapter name is by Minus the Bear.**

**Do any of you guys even check all the music out? :D**


	11. Lateralus

**I suppose I might need a disclaimer since everyone else has one. I don't own Victorious or Halestorm.**

I was running late for work and it hasn't even been my second day back. How the hell am I not fired yet? This is a great way to start the day, let me tell you. I suppose last night with Tori left me a little more than tired because I slept right through the alarm.

I rushed around grabbing papers, keys, purse, and a few other things of importance, all while trying to get something decent to wear on and make some breakfast. Seriously, I could be like The Flash right now with all this fast multitasking.

I ran to the toaster right in time for the Pop Tarts to shoot out from the top of it. I caught them on a plate and took off for the car. I sat the plate on the passenger side and turned the car on to back out.

Halfway down the street, I turned around to check on the papers that were supposed to be there but weren't.

"Of fucking course..." I mumbled to myself in the car.

I did a quick and pretty illegal U turn in the middle of the street and sped back to the apartment. I ran upstairs and I grabbed the huge pile of important things for work and threw them in the back seat of my car.

"Fuckers..." I mumbled at the papers. I've got to be going crazy...

I quickly got back on route to the Fearless Records studio.

My thoughts soon drifted went to my date tonight with Tori. I instantly felt nervous. My hands became sweaty. My mouth ran dry. I shook a little. This is utter shit. I've never felt nervous about a date before. Usually, girls are taking me out, not the other way around.

I mean, really. What am I gonna wear? What am I supposed to say? Where do I take her? She's a latina. So Mexican dinner? What the hell? No, not Mexican. What if she's allergic to something? That happened to my parents one time. It was their first date and my dad ordered shrimp and his esophagus closed up! What if that happens to her?! I'm rambling in my head again. Which I must have been doing for quite some time because I realized that I was sitting outside Fearless Records.

I put my head on the steering wheel and took a deep breath. It's just a girl. You can do this.

I got out of the car and regained my composure. I grabbed the pile of things from the back seat and quickly walked inside.

"I'm really sorry I'm late, Mr. Shnieder." I said to the boss man of the place. I swear it looked like he belonged in the mafia rather than a recording studio.

"Just don't make a habit out of it, West." He smiled at me, grabbing a cigar and lighting it. Maybe he's in the mafia on the side. In which case, I'll remember to never be late again. For sure... or get on his bad side.

I made it to my office at the back of the building. I specifically asked for this room because frankly, I hate people so its better for me to not be around them.

I was scheduled to meet a band later on today. It wasn't too much longer before I was done with the paperwork and ready for the band.

The studio was down the hall. The band was already there by the time I got there and was already setting up. I like them already. I sat in my chair in front of the sound table.

"Hey guys, Halestorm, right?" I asked through the mic. The lead singer nodded and smiled. "Alright, cool. I was really impressed by the song you sent. Got another song I can hear?" She nodded again. Lady of few words. Liking them more and more.

Everyone took their places, grabbing the corresponding instruments and began to play some riffs and drum beats. The lead singer really wailed into the mic. She had a set of pipes on her.

I literally jumped out of seat when the song was over and went into the room with band.

"That shit was awesome. What was it called?" I asked rather excitedly.

"Love Bites." The lead singer confirmed.

"Well, I gotta say, you probably have a deal here with us. I'll give you another call in a few days to set things up, cool?" I asked. The band reacted by high fiving each other.

After work, I texted Tori to let her know I'd pick her up in an hour. I dug through my closet forever before finally settling on something. I grabbed the black and white plaid flannel and the dark blue jeans. I slipped into them quickly so I could prepare the rest of myself and not be late. What a horrible way to start of a first date that would be.

I grabbed the curling iron and curled my hair in light, loose curls and touched up on my make up. I put in the new eyebrow ring I got from the mall awhile back but never got around to using.

I grabbed my keys and slipped out the door. When I made it to Tori's, I contemplated just honking my horn but that seemed a little rude. I switched off the ignition and walked up to her door. I knocked lightly a few times. When she opened the door, I was stunned to say the least. She blew me away. Her hair fell down passed her should in light swoops. She had on a white v neck and some tight torn up jeans. Even though this was a 'casual' kind of date, she looked amazing. I couldn't even say anything. I just stood there drooling at her. Literally, my mouth dropped. She couldn't hide the blush that swept across her face. A smile that could light up the night sky consumed her. I finally caught a hold to myself.

"You uh... you look great." I said clearing my throat and smiling at her. Her blush and smile only grew bigger. I chuckled and grabbed her hand. My fingers tangled with hers. I led her to the car and opened the door for her. She I closed the door for her. I took my place in the driver's seat. I searched for the keys in my pocket. Once I had them, I fumbled around with the keys and dropped them. I sighed heavily and stared at the keys. I felt a hand come across my shoulder and rub. I picked the keys up and turned the car on. I turned to Tori. She smiled and her eyes were telling me everything she wanted to say. It was okay.

We pulled up to a tan building that was lined with dimly lit lights. Alfreda's Pasta is the best Italian restaurant around. I figured how could you go wrong with Italian, right?

"This place is amazing, Jade." She said as she walked in. I led her up to the greeter and told him the name the reservation was under. He smiled and led us to our table.

We finished our food rather quickly without any allergy problems or anything for that matter. I was freaking out for nothing.

"Can I come back to your place?" She asked. I almost choked on nothing. "Not like that!" She yelled, laughing.

"Uh yeah... Yes." I stammered out. I chuckled which only made her laugh harder.

I laid on the couch with Tori in front of me, watching tv. I wrapped my arm around the front of her and pulled her as close to me as I could. She turned to me and looked dead into my eyes.

"What happened that night with Cat?" She asked.

"What night?"

"You said 'remember what happened to my mom' when you were talking to Cat awhile back?"

"Oh..."

_"Cat, calm the fuck down!" I yelled at a teenage Cat as she was freaking out over my mom. My mom was flailing her arms around and losing complete control over her muscles. And there was nothing Cat, dad, or anyone could do. The only thing you could do was watch over her and make sure she doesn't kill herself or something. It wasn't as bad as they usually are except this time, she fell to the floor and started shaking. _

_"Dad!" I yelled over and over again. He came running into the room and quickly grabbed his phone to call the ambulance._

_The really sad part about it is, mom doesn't have a clue as to what's going on right now. Or most of the time for that matter. _

_The ambulance arrived soon after the call. They stopped the seizure and was now pulling her into the back of the truck. I tried to climb in after her but they said I couldn't go. I was too young and I needed to stay with my dad. Bullshit, if you ask me but they didn't._

_I ran to the car with dad and Cat. We sped there right along side the ambulance and honestly got to the hospital, I'm sure, breaking many laws. _

_We ran up to the front desk and gave them our names and all the lady said was that my mother was being taken care of and that we couldn't see her right now. _

_"You've got to be kidding me! That's MY mom! I should be able to see my own mother whenever the hell I feel like!" I yelled and began to run towards the back part of the hospital. I know exactly where they would take her, being here so often. _

_I didn't make it very far, unfortunatley. My dad quickly caught me and told me to stay put. Fuck that, I was thinking. As if he knew exactly what I was thinking, he gave me a look that put the fear of whatever high being there might be into me. _

_It seemed like we waited for hours. I never once took my eyes off that hallway corridor. _

_A doctor came out much later and walked up to us. He took a fairly big sigh and looked to the ground._

_"I'm sorry..." I don't remember what he said after that. Shit, I don't even think I heard the rest of it. I just took of running. I didn't want to face what he was going to say , I thought literally running away from it would work. Too bad life doesn't work like you want._

**AN: So I would like to say thanks to everyone who has reviewed, followed, favorited and such. I appreciate it greatly. **

**Timeless Reader, you're awesome for reviewing. You're the only one who reviewed the last chapter! Only! Thanks. **

**Review, guys. Please. I can't explain how drastic it is! (Not very, but is still welcome here. Veryyyyy... welcome... here...)**

**Chapter name is by Tool.**


	12. The Clincher

**I disclaim the bands mentioned.**

The tears streaming down my face didn't even register in my my mind until I felt Tori's warm hands glide across my face, wiping them away.

"I'm sorry." She whispered, placing a soft kiss on my cheek. She wrapped her arms around me and pulled me down to her. I nestled into the crevice between her head and shoulder. I couldn't stop the uncontrollable sobs that came next. I was holding on to her so tight that I was sure she couldn't breathe. She didn't seem to mind though. She held on just as tight to me and whispered sweet nothings to me as to try to calm me down.

You know, I've thought about that night a lot since it happened. And I know one thing is for sure, I never want it to get that bad with me. I want anyone to have to go through what I did. Hell, sometimes I think that the aftermath was worse. The emotional turmoil is... sometimes its more than I can take. Trying to end it before wasn't a sudden reaction, I had the thoughts before I even knew of my 'problem'. Now, I know what you're thinking. Oh, this again? But no, it's not like that at all. I have a plan. And we'll see how it goes along the line.

The sunlight pouring in through my window and right into my eyes shook me from my slumber. I pried my eyes open and took sight of the area. I'm not exactly sure when I fell asleep but when I woke up, I was Toriless. Which that alone, is upsetting but I also had a killer headache. I suppose that's what you get when you cry for almost an hour.

I stretched out on the couch and popped what felt like every bone in my body. Needless to say, my couch could be comfier. Of course, it wasn't made to sleep on.

I got up and walked down the hall mindlessly to the bathroom. I was horrified at the reflection in the mirror. My eyes were red and puffy. My hair was literally everywhere. I had sex hair without any of the good stuff. Unless there's something Tori isn't telling me. A smile crept on my face at that thought. I quickly stripped myself of the clothes I had on from the day before. I turned the faucets handles to the shower on and jumped in. I shuddered a bit at the cold water hitting my body at first until it slowly got warmer and warmer. I don't know what it is about a shower first thing in the morning that's so relaxing but it is and it has become definite routine for me. I grabbed the soap from the nearby shelf and ran it over my skin. The thoughts I had surrounding Tori earlier quickly made a comeback and it didn't take long for me to be fully turned on. It didn't take long for my hand to drift down my body.

Tori's head between my legs, a wet tongue gliding up and down my-

My thoughts had quickly been interrupted by my phone ringing. I retracted my hand from between my legs and switched the water off. That escalated rather quickly.

I pulled the towel down from the rack on the wall and wrapped it around myself before running through the apartment to find my phone. i snatched from in between the couch cushions and slid the bar on the touchscreen to the right to answer.

"You better have a good reason for interrupting my..." I had to give a short pause to stop from saying what I was doing. "Uh shower."

"Is that how you talked to your other girlfriends?" A angelic voice said from the other end of the line.

"Nah, just when their new. I like to test them out. See if they can handle the West ways."

"Well, unlike your other girlfriends, I've been handling the West way since high school. So I wouldn't say I'm new." She chuckled into the phone.

"You haven't seen all of the West way yet though." I said with all the implication that I hope she caught.

"Yet, huh?" I could almost see the smirk coming from her through the phone now. "When will that yet be?"

"Well, now if you hurry." I must sound like a major horn dog.

"You seem happier than last night." And I was. I've never talked about that night with anyone. Not even Cat. I mean, she knows, she was there, but we've never talked about it. Hell, it's never even been brought up since. I've been holding those feelings in for years. And frankly, I feel like the fucking Grand Canyon was lifted of my shoulders.

"I do, thanks to you." I smiled.

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIII

"Tori, where the hell are my shoes?" I yelled out to her.

"Under the bed!" She yelled back from the bathroom. We moved in together after about a year of us being together.

I hit the floor and pulled the blankets up. As she said they were right there.

"Thanks, babe." I whisper softly in her ear from behind her while she was getting ready for the show and wrapping my arms around her waist, slowly kissing her neck down to her shoulders.

"Baby, not right now." She replied with a smile and kiss on the cheek. I sighed a trekked back into our room and sat on the bed, watching her get ready.

She was the epitome of beautiful. Even now, five years later. I can't help but to want to touch every part of her at any given time. She just keeps getting more beautiful.

"Earth to Jade." Tori was standing in front of me, snapping her fingers.

"Huh? Yeah?" I shook my head, knocking the zone out.

"What are you doing?" She asked with a smirk, her hands on her hip, and the eyebrow raise I taught her how to do.

I smiled at that. "Admiring my girl."

"Hm. Easy there. Save it for later." She winked and went back to getting ready. I glanced around the room as my eyes fell upon the alarm clock sitting on the night stand next to the bed.

"We're so fucking late!" I yelled, stumbling off the bed to grab Tori's shoes and throw them at her.

"Language, babe."

"Wait, you know what? Just put those on in the car, come on!" I said grabbing the shoes from the floor then Tori's wrist, pulling her out of the apartment.

I shoved Tori into the car before taking off to the awards ceremony. One of the bands I produced hit it big. Real big. And they were nominated for another award. We arrived at the auditorium area and took our reserved seats near the front. The place was pretty nice. The carpet was a red velvet along with the cushioned seats. The room was lit by a chandelier hung from the middle of the ceiling and smaller lights lining the wall. The stage was huge. Tori and I had perfect view of it. The floor of the stage was a sparkling white tile with a lone mic in the middle.

The chandelier lights dimmed soon after arriving, seeing as we were already late. A short haired blonde woman took stage who I recognized from a few movies but couldn't put a name to her.

The movie awards were first and exactly who you thought would win, won. You know, the crap movies. Give or take a few alright ones.

Music was up next and this was a real toss up. My band, Halestorm, was up against two others, Tsunami Bomb and NOFX.

The blonde bitch sure took her sweet time opening the damn envelope. I was sweating for sure. And I never sweat. Ever. I was gripping Tori's tight enough that, I think I may have broke it.

"And the winner is...Halestorm!" She yelled into the mic. I had to stop myself from jumping out of my seat and screaming. The band ran on stage and had a small speech and a shout out to me. I gotta say, it was amazing.

Of course there was after party after the ceremony. And of course, I had to go. I'm not one much for parties but my band won so, I felt obligated. The party was down the street from the ceremony building. I've just been sitting at the bar, sipping on some kind of alcoholic drink that I didn't bother to get the name of. I kept my eyes on Tori though. Can't have anyone moving in on my woman or anything. I mean, look at her. She's a goddess. Anyone would kill to be able to call her their own. She danced around by herself, taking over the whole dance floor. Everyone was stunned by her. My wife. And it was at that moment that I confirmed my plan from so long ago.

After the after party and back at the house, I called Tori to the room with me.

"Listen Tori, I want to ask you something but I want you to be completely open minded about this. I want you to really think about it. And don't jump to conclusions because I know you will." She nodded. "I've given this a lot of thought. Remember when we had that talk about my mom and Cat a few years ago?" She nodded again. "Well, that morning after, I had this thought or rather, an idea. And I don't really want you to feel like you have to do this, I would just appreciate it immensely. Just let me jump to the point here before I keep rambling." I paused to collect my thoughts.

"I want you to pull the plug on me."

**AN: to the anonymous reviewer, thank you for the support and I'm sorry for your friends mother. To the other anonymous, it really doesn't matter about criticism or anything. I just want to know what you guys think about it, while criticism is welcome though.**

**There will be a wedding scene!**

**On another note, one of my friends from school was like "Play Minecraft with me when you get home." So I get home and he invites me to the game and his Minecraft world is like amazing. Dude is mega creative. There's fucking hotels, mansions, shit everywhere. He has a damn theme park in his living room of his house! So after the tour of his masterpiece, he asked to come to my world.**

**I was like "What? You need me to help you, mom? Yeah, I'll be right there! Sorry, I gotta go. See you at school." Seriously, my world is like... I have a small square for a house. With just basic shit.**

**Sooo that happened. Review, guys. Pleaseeeeeeeeee. (Too desperate? Nah.)**

**Chapter name is by Chevelle.**


	13. Oh No!

The look in Tori's eyes said it all. Devastation was eminent in them. But she did as I asked and didn't say anything. There is reasoning behind my decision. Most people wont get it. But they don't understand the feeling. My request is in favor for everyone around me and for myself as well. Its better this way. When the time comes, I wont know what's going on. I wont know who is around me, what I'm doing, nothing. I'll just be taking up time and space. I'll cause pain that will likely not go away; it'll stay with the people I care about forever. I mean, I've been in that position so I know how it feels. Believe me when I say that I wish I hadn't been around for that night.

I brought my hands around the back of Tori's neck and brought her lips to mine, capturing them in a small but equally as passionate kiss. I pushed her slowly and gently onto the bed before coming back down to reclaim her lips. I moved one leg in between hers and the other over her other leg as I pressed my body to hers. One hand moved under her body to her back to push her as close to me as I could have her as the other went to tangle itself in Tori's soft hair. No matter how close I had her, I couldn't be close enough to her.

I moved from her lips to her neck, sucking and nipping lightly at the space between her collar-bone and neck causing small gasps to escape from her. It lit a fire in the pit of my stomach that I was sure at this point couldn't be put out. I removed myself from her neck to look her in the eyes. Lust was glazed over her brown orbs.

"I love you so much, Tori. Always know that."

"I love you too, Jade." She whispered back. That was all I needed to continue. I went back to her lips and slipped my tongue between them to find hers. The battle between them wasn't heated. We both moved at the same pace, taking our time. I removed my hands from her back and pushed them under her shirt to lay them on her flat stomach. The touch electrified my finger tips and sent shocks throughout the rest of my body. I know she felt the same because the arms she had wrapped around my waist pulled down tighter, forcing my hips to rub hers causing a soft moan from her. I pushed her shirt up the rest of her body slowly before removing the garment. I ran my hands down her back, feeling the soft skin of my lover, before running them back up to her bra strap to toss it to the floor beside the bed. My hands quickly made their way to her breasts. I gave a small squeeze before removing my lips from hers and claiming my new prize. I kissed each breast lightly then gave a small bite to one. The fire that had been lit in me had just ignited in Tori. She flipped us over, gently, taking control. She grabbed my shirt and pulled it off quickly, along with my bra and found a place for them on the floor along with the others. She kissed my lips lightly before making a trail down from my neck, stopping at my chest for attention then making a way back down to the hem of my jeans. She ran a hand over the top of my jeans right above my crotch then unbutton them gracefully. She removed the pants and panties, spreading my legs and kissing both sides of my thighs before dipping in my folds with her tongue, running it up and down my slit. Quickly finding my mound, she started to suck gently at first, gradually gaining strength then releasing with a pop causing my hips to buck and moan loudly. She began to lick circles around my clit. My hands found their way into her hair again and pulled lightly. I pushed her closer into me making my moan at an uncontrollable pitch and pace. She brought me over the edge quickly. I came with a force I didn't quite think was possible. Tori smiled deviously and gave one last lick down my slit to lick up some of the juices that were elicited from me causing me to shudder and gasp.

I pushed her away and gained my dominance back. I peeled away her jeans and the barrier that kept me away from the best area in the world. I positioned myself in front of her and wasted no time finding her clit and licking at a dangerously slow pace, teasing her. She quickly grew tired of that and pushed me further in. I removed myself from the succulent area and put two fingers at her entrance. I leaned down to press my body against hers. I kissed her, letting her taste herself on me. I pushed inside of her and right as I did, she wrapped her arms around my back and pulled me as close to her as I could be, holding me as tight as she could. I found it to be insanely hot. With every thrust, our bodies moved together. I moved my thumb to hit her clit with every thrust eliciting moans with each hit. It wasn't long before I knew she was about to lose it. She was gripping me with dear life, with her head pressed against my shoulder. I pushed into her one more time as deep as I could before I felt the flood run down my fingers. The moan that escaped her throat was enticing. I wasn't even sure if you could call it a moan, really it was a muffled scream that was pressed against my shoulder. I ran slow circles around her mound so her orgasm could ride out.

She hit the bed out of sheer exhaustion. I climbed over behind her and put an arm around her stomach to hold her close to my body.

It wasn't much after that her breathing evened out. I kissed her neck.

"Don't ever forget me, Tori."

**AN: I hope the time jump in the last chapter was all right to do. I don't want you guys to hate the story or anything. I didn't want to drag out that part of it since I ran out of ideas for them, ya know? I apologize if you're unhappy with the decision. :P**

**On another note, my girlfriend and I got accepted at the same college, whoop whoop. Excitement!**

**Anyway, I got the most amount of reviews on the last chapter and I can't even begin to tell you guys how immensely happy it made me feel! So just imagine uh... a unicorn or something. That would make some people happy. So review! :D**

**And if my gamer readers didn't know, on the new Skyrim DLC, you can ride dragons. And you get to fight a level 80 foe with quite the weaponry.**

**chapter name is by Dear in the Headlights.**


	14. Summer Shudder

_Nervous. That was the only word that registered in my mind. Nervous. I couldn't shake it. The box rattled around in my pocket. I wasn't sure how I was going to go about do this, but I had to do it. Tonight. Now, even. I knew I wanted her to be mine forever. My mouth was dry, I was jittery, I was sweaty. This was not a good way to start this out. How could she not see the nervousness oozing from me? What if she laughed at me? What if there was someone else? What if she... said no? I sighed and gripped the tiny box in my pocket and got up from the bed. I got tickets to a small concert at seven and was waiting on Tori to finish getting ready. You know, she had to look perfect. No matter how many times I tell her that she has already accomplished that without even trying, no make up, no designer clothes, nothing, just natural Tori, she won"t believe me. But she is. She is absolutely perfect._

_"Ready?" I asked from the kitchen. Tori emerged from the bathroom, adjusting her earrings and smiling at me. "I take that as a yes. "Aw, babe, no. You can't wear a band shirt of the same band you're going to see. It's against the concert rules." I said through a smile._

_"I guess I'm a rebel then, huh?" She winked at me and brushed past me, swaying her hips in a way that she knows gets me going. My mouth dropped and I could only hope that I wasnt drooling. She turned around and smiled at me. I snapped out of the trance and gave her a small kiss on the cheek before taking her hand in mine and leading her out of the apartment._

_We arrived at the Music Box shortly after leaving. It was a small building with only one room with an upper balcony and a bar. The tickets are usually sold out due to the limited space of the area but being in the music business has its perks. One of them being able to get tickets after the show being sold out. but it was Tori's favorite band. How could I not take her to see them?_

_Walking in, the place doesn't look like much. At all. In fact, how does this place even stay open? It looks like an underground bar. It's awesome! Just like a concert should be. We got on the floor area of the building and pushed our way to the front, about two rows from the stage. The band took place and the mohawked singer yelled something incoherent into the mic before the rest of the band wailed on their instruments. To say the least, Rancid is pretty damn awesome live. Whoever said punk was dead should be burned. The band opened up with their song "Fall Back Down." Everyone was jumping up and down and if you've ever been on the floor at a concert, you know it's damn near impossible to not jump along with how crowded it is. Even in the seats, its hard not to jump. It's so surreal being at a concert. Everyone in the room is there for the same reason as you and everyone feels the music. It's a connection that's hard to explain but everyone should experience it at least once. When the band started to play "Who Would've Thought" I grabbed Tori's hand a pulled her off to the side away from everyone. I shoved my hand in my pocket and held the little box and looked up to Tori in the eyes._

_"What's wrong, Jade?" She yelled over the music. I dropped to my knees and held her hand._

_"Tori, I want you to know that you are the most amazing woman in the world. And I've had nothing but the best years of my life with you." I let one hand go of hers and dug into my pocket one last time before retrieving the box that held my feelings for the woman in front of me. I pulled it out and flipped the lid open to show a ring with black diamonds crested in it to show the uniqueness of our relationship. "Tori Vega, will you marry me?" I choked out. My heart felt like it was about to pound right through my chest. Everything stopped as I awaited her answer. I stared up at her with hopeful eyes. It seemed as though years passed waiting when in all reality it was only a few seconds._

_"Of course, baby." She smiled as big as I've ever seen her smile before. The crowd erupted with cheers and yelling. Even the band said congratulations. I wrapped my arms around her and spun her around before capturing her lips with mine. _

_"I love you with all my heart, Tori." I said through a smile I'm sure was as big as hers. I put the ring on her finger and kissed my girl one more time before heading back into the crowd and returning to the show._

_-A few months later-_

_The wedding was today. It wasn't going to be a big one, but it ended up being bigger than what I had hoped for. No thanks to Tori. The whole gang from high school is here, the boss, Tori's boss, my dad, and Tori's family. I grabbed the black dress from the hangar on the door and slipped it on. Tori was against it, but I'm not wearing white. _

_I was so busy checking myself out in the mirror that I didn't hear the door open. I small gasp escaped from whoever was behind me._

_"You look amazing!" Yelled a certain red head. I chuckled. _

_"Thanks, Kitten." I said as she came up and choked me with a hug. "Can't...breathe...Cat..." _

_"Oh, right." She gave her ditzy laugh. "You just look so... just happy." Tears were brimming her eyes. A lone one escaped and slid down her cheek. I wiped the tear away with my thumb._

_"Why are you crying? I should be the one crying. I'm giving up my rights to other women today." I gained a laugh from her with that. I glanced at the clock and realized it was time for this thing to start. _

_"You ready?" Cat asked with a smile. I nodded and hooked arms with her as she walked me to the door of the building. Cat left and took her seat as I left down to the altar. I took my place a top and waited for my bride. _

_It wasn't much longer that I saw Tori emerge from the doorway, linking arms with her father. My heart literally stopped, I think. She was stunning walking down the aisle with a nervous smile on her face. She was blushing. I couldn't wipe the huge grin off of my face no matter how stupid I know I looked. My eyes were glued to her. She took her place beside me on the altar and I took her hands in mine. I looked into her eyes and I couldn't tear myself away. The guy in front of me has said things for the past ten minutes and I haven't heard a damn thing he's said due to the amount of gorgeousness that is beside me. The inly thing I heard was him say to kiss her. _

_I wrapped my arms around her back and pulled her into me. My lips took hers and didn't let go. Everyone in the room cheered and clapped. Tori trew her flowers into the crowd as I picked her up and took her to the car. _

_"I'm so happy to be able to call you mine, Tori."_

I put the picture book I had looked at away when Tori walked into the living room.

"What'cha doing, babe?" She asked, taking a seat in my lap.

"Just reliving some of the best days of my life." I replied, kissing her cheek.

"So, I wanted to talk about something." Ah, great. That's never a good thing. I signaled for her to continue.

"I want kids."

**AN: I know that not much happened in this chapter so I apologize but it needed to be done. **

**Anyway, I hope everyone's holidays were alright and junk. **

**As per my usual rant or whatever in this area of the chapter, I hate when people invite you to a game that you aren't even playing. I'll be playing Skyrim or something and sooner or later I'll get a message saying *some gamertag* wants you to play Call of Duty with them. While I appreciate the offer... NO. I dunno, bugs me. If I'm playing the game you'd like to play, feel free to invite me. Generally, I will accept.**

**While nothing much happened, review anyway, please. **

**Chapter name is by AFI.**


	15. Something to Live For

"How can you put me in that position, Tori?" I know my voice came out much angrier than what I had meant for, but honestly, I can't help it at this point.

"What position? I'm not trying to put you in any position." She stammered out.

"You know that isn't a good idea. Not yet. And you damn well why." I said through gritted teeth. If we have kids, they are going to get attached and we all know that won't end well.

"That's not fair, Jade. We always have to make exceptions in our relationships." She threw her arms up in annoyance.

"You've got to be kidding me right now. You're joking, right?" I ran my fingers through my hair. "There's no way you're serious. You know what? Fuck it." I walked out of the room and through the front door. I don't even know where I'm walking to, but I'm sure as hell not staying there. The cold air hits me hard as I start to calm down and cool off... Has she ever thought that maybe I want kids too? I've always wanted kids, but what she fails to see is that we have to look past how we feel or what we want for them. How would she feel if one of her parents died at such an early age? There could be so many problems. Massive trauma, disorders, mental problems, so much could happen. But I mean, then again, nothing could happen. They could be perfectly fine. Should I really give up on something I've wanted for so long for a chance that something could go wrong? Everyone has told me not to let my sickness take over and control my life, but here I am, letting it, doing just what everyone told me not to, like always. Really, it couldn't be all bad. I mean, if we wait three years, it could work. They wouldn't really remember me. It wouldn't have a big effect on them. But do I really want them not to?

What the hell am I doing? I've been walking around without a destination for an hour, arguing with myself when I should be talking to Tori about this. I walked back to the house and inside.

"Tori?" I looked into the living room to see Tori lightly sobbing on the couch. Well, damn, Jade. Way to go. "I'm sorry, baby." I sat down beside her and pulled her into my arms, which only made her cry more.

"I just don't see why we have to make so many exceptions. This was the only thing I really wanted with you and you shot it down, just like every time." She said through sobs. I literally felt my heart break a little.

"Tori, just listen to me for a second. One, I thought about it and if you want kids that badly, we'll do it. Two, you have no idea what this is like so no, you won't understand why we have to make exceptions." I went on with telling her why I thought it was bad idea.

"I didn't even think about it that way." Tori said after being enlightened on the situation.

"Well, you always jump to conclusions, babe. If you would just give me a chance to talk sometimes before you blow up, we wouldn't have to do things like this." I said, giving her a smile so she knew I wasn't mad. "So what will it be? Kids or no kids?"

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"Okay Mrs. West, you're going to have to work with us here, push harder, alright?" One of the doctors working with my wife said. My heart was pounding. Nervousness was oozing off of me. I would be biting my nails or something but Tori was practically breaking my hand, squeezing it due to pain. The sounds of Tori's groans filled the entire room. It hurt to know she was in so much pain.

"Tori, you should be lying down." I told her sternly.

"I just want to get up for a second. It sucks lying in bed all day, you have no idea. Just let me help you with the dishes." She said waddling over to me. I smiled.

"No, love. Lay down, please." I kissed her when she made it to me. When I went to pull away, she pulled me back in and began to forcefully kiss me with such fever. It was easy to say we were sexually frustrated. I didn't want to risk any sort of harm to the baby or her so we stayed away from sexy situations, but this time, we couldn't stop each other. I held Tori by her sides and kissed her back with equal passion. Her tongue was just crossing the threshold to mine when I heard something hit the floor. I looked down as quickly as I could.

"Fuck, Tori! Get in the car!" I yelled, grabbing her and helping her to the car. My thoughts were going a mile a minute. They mostly consisted of, "Oh, goddamn, fuck, fuck, fuck, ah shit. What am I gonna do?"

"That's great, Mrs. West, just like that." The baby was almost out now. My heart was about to burst out of my chest and on to the floor. I was so nervous, I felt like throwing up. Most people think that giving birth is the harder part, but no one thinks of the other side of things. Of course, Tori has it much harder than I do right now, but I can't help but think of all the complications that could happen. Now or later on down the line.

Tori was screaming as loud as she could now and it was starting to worry me. I closed my eyes and tried to calm down before I passed out.

"Congratulations, it's a boy." My eyes shot open to see the brown headed baby being handed to Tori. I literally let out a huge sigh. I was sure my smile was coming off my face, it was so big. I looked to Tori and see tears streaming down her face laughing them away while hugging our baby. I look back to the baby and see what looks to be like the faintest of smiles.

"Mrs. West?" A doctor piped in from the doorway. Both of eyes averted to him, making him chuckle. "We need a name. I'll give you guys a few minutes to think about it."

"Actually, I don't think that's necessary. Tori and I have a name picked out already." I looked to Tori for confirmation.

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"Lance is in his room playing." Tori said with a seductive smile. I gave a small smile back before kissing her and grabbing Tori and picking her up and carrying her into our room from the living room. Keeping the kiss going and deepening it. I pushed the door open with my foot and laying Tori on the bed. I ran to the door and shut it quickly, locking it. I approached Tori and practically tore her shirt off of her before conquering her lips and claiming them as mine. I felt Tori's fingers brush against the skin under my shirt before going down into my pants. The cold tips of her fingers touched right where I wanted her to be when I heard a few small taps at my door followed by a soft voice.

"Mom? Mama?" Lance likes to call me, mom and Tori, mama.

"Yeah, baby?" Tori called back to him.

"I hungry." Lance said patting back to his room. I sighed as we made ourselves appropriately before opening the door and heading into the kitchen. Tori grabbed a pizza from the freezer and popped it in the oven.

"Lance!" Tori yelled from the kitchen. "Dinner!" Lance came running out of his room before climbing into the seat at the table. I grabbed a few glasses down from the cabinet, dropping the last one. To most people, this wouldn't be a problem, but I didn't just drop it. I practically tossed it to the ground, like I was angry. I stared at the shattered glass on the floor before storming out of the kitchen and cussing out whatever higher being there may be. Things were getting worse for me and much faster than I thought.

**AN: I'm sorry for the wait. I'm beyond unmotivated to write this. But I will finish! **

**Anyway, I apologize if the time progression in this chapter upsets anyone, I don't want to drag things out. **

**I seriously appreciate all the reviews, follows, and favorites. Thanks, guys. **

**Since I always have this area of an attempted funny or rant, have you ever noticed either a laugh track or a real audience of people and there is always that once person who has a really loud or obnoxious laugh? It makes me laugh and angers me at the same time. **

**Chapter name is by Like Moths to Flames.**


	16. Shadow Moses

The lights were blindingly bright when my eyes fluttered open. I immediately slammed them shut to stop the stinging pain. There was a small, irritating beeping sound next to me. The smell of latex and Germ-X filled my senses. I finally pried my eyes open, getting used to the light. I heard the door open and not even a second after, I felt a warm body on top of me, hugging me with dear force. The person started to hug and kiss me all over through what sounded like soft sobs.

"Tori, Tori! Calm down, babe. What's going on?" Tori didn't answer. More tears fell from her eyes and down to her shirt, making small tear shaped stains. She reached for my hand and took ahold to it. She slowly lifted it to my view. I was shaking and I didn't even notice. I can't feel it at all. The devastation must have been evident in my face because Tori broke down right there, crying into my hospital gown. I wrapped my arms around her, trying to comfort her, which really seemed like a role mix up.

"What happened?" I whispered? She lifted herself off of me and cleaned her face and regained her composure to the best of her ability at the moment before clearing her throat.

_My hands were shaking uncontrollably. I knew what was coming. And it shouldn't be happening. Not this early. But here it is and I can't stop it. I clenched my hands into fists to try and hold the shaking down, even just a little. It felt like my whole body was moving, pulsating, every muscle, under something elses control, not mine. I wrapped my arms around myself and hung my head down just as my mom had done when things like this happened. I could feel it getting worse and worse every second. As much as I tried to hold it in, to calm myself down, something, anything, nothing worked. it took over more and more. _

_"Jade! Jade!" _

"So I seized?" I sighed, fully taking in what she just said. That's how it started with my mom. It's when things just got progressively worse at an unreal rate. But I can't tell Tori. Sure, she'll find out soon enough, but I don't want her to worry anymore than she already is. I can't let her know I'm scared. I have to be strong for her, our son, everyone. Even me. Like I could really fool myself.

I looked up and when our eyes met, she broke down again. I don't know how to cheer her up. I don't want things like this. I just did what Cat did for me years ago when we were in the same situation. I grabbed her and held her, not saying anything, letting her get it all out. It's dangerous to hold things in.

After awhile, I cleared my throat.

"I think it's getting around the time I should tell you something." She looked up to me and waited for me to continue. I took a deep breath. "I think... I want you to be as happy as possible after... this... I want you to find someone else to love you. Someone who can keep you happy. I love you, Tori. Do whatever you can to stay happy, that's all I've ever wanted for you." I figure now was a good a time as ever to say something like that seeing as I might not have much longer to tell her. I know Tori isn't agreeing with what I'm saying and well, neither am I. I really don't want anyone else to know her like I do but I don't want her to dwell on me and if she feels like someone else can do that for her, so be it. Anything for her to smile.

At the rate we're going, I have maybe a month or two. I didn't think it would happen this fast. There were always small shows of it but now, it's taking completely over, but I'm ready. As ready as I'll ever be, at least.

**AN: Alright, I'm not feeling this chapter but it's the only way I could think of getting it out. With that being said, next chapter will probably be the last. I apologize for the sheer shortness of the chapter. **

**I have another story in mind, much, much different than this one, whether I post it or not is to be seen. **

**Anyways, no rant this time, just a recommendation, Far Cry 3 is amazing, go play it. **

**Chapter name is by Bring Me The Horizon. **


	17. Untitled

"Jade?" I called out, knocking on the door to come in and check on her. I sat down in the chair next to her bed and pulled it up as close to her bed as I could get it. Green eyes met mine and I felt my heart break. I could see the pain in her eyes.

"Hey, baby." I said, running my fingers through her hair. She attempted a smile. I felt tears welling up in my eyes. A few escaped their hold and ran down my face. I looked away from her. I can't let her see me crying right now. I have to be look strong. For her and for me. But I can't. I tried to hold a sob back when I felt her hand on mine. She gripped it and lifted it up then brought it over to her chest above where her heart is and held it there. Any bearing I had left was now broken. A few tears dropped from her eyes. I don't know if you know what true heart break feels like, but it hurts. You can literally feel it break. But this isn't comparable to that. My heart was shattered beyond repair.

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I've been watching her like a hawk for the past few weeks. I can't take my eyes off of her. She just keeps getting worse to the point that we've had to restrain her wrists and ankles down to the railing to keep her from knocking over things or hurting herself. I know she's in so much pain. And there is nothing I can do. Do you know how that feels? To watch the person you care most about suffer? She's been preparing me for this moment the whole time, but honestly, how can you prepare someone for this? No amount of preparation could make you ready. She can barely keep a conversation going now. In the next week or so, she won't even know what's going on. When she asked me to pull the plug on her, I was angry. Furious. Who asks that of someone you love? You can't. You just can't ask someone to help kill someone you care about. I can't do it and she has to understand where I'm coming from with it, but I can't help but feel like I've disappointed or failed her for it.

My phone rang on the table next to me. I grabbed it and read the text from Cat saying she was waiting in the lobby for me. She wanted to come see Jade again. I kissed Jade's head and left the room to go meet Cat.

"Oh my God, Tori, you look horrible." Cat said with a look of shock on her face. I shrugged. "Have you been eating? Sleeping? Come on, let's go grab something to eat." She pulled my wrist to try and get me to go with her, but I just wanted to get back to my wife.

"No, Cat. We have to get back to Ja-" I was cut off my a man yelling and running down the hall. I turned to look and see a whole group of doctors running.

"Room 320! 320! Go!" He yelled. No, no, no, no. Not yet. I took off running behind them. It's not time. I was just in the room with her. I reached the room before everyone else as the breath was knocked out of me. The men pushed me out of the way. I tried to break through them to check on her, but they wouldn't budge. They shut the door and Cat held me back.

"Tori, you can't go in there!" She yelled, trying to get through to me, with no avail.

"I can! I work here! That's my wife! You can't do this! Let me in!" Cat wrapped me in her arms and held me with all her might through my hitting and yelling. I broke her hold and banged on the door repeatedly, screaming whatever words came out. I couldn't stop the tears and screams coming from me, they spilled out like water. I slid down the wall behind me and fell into a fetal position. A man came out from the door after what felt like centuries. He looked me in the eyes and instantly to the ground and I already knew.

"Tori, I'm-" He started to say.

"No, shut the hell up. Let me in there." I cut him off.

"But Tori, she's go-" I lunged at him.

"No! You're lying! Let me see her!" I pushed him out of the way and went through the door. The image that appeared before me will forever be embedded within me. I wish someone would have held me back. It literally felt like someone punched me in the stomach. A scream ripped from my chest through my throat. Cat came up behind me and pulled me out of the room.

"This is your fault, Cat! You took me away from her!" I yelled at her. She just held on to me until I broke back down into tears, fully feeling the impact of what happened.

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Lance keeps asking where his mom is. What am I supposed to tell him? She's fucking gone? She's never coming back? I should have been ready for this. I knew it was going to happen, but knowing doesn't make it better. No, not at all. In fact, it makes it worse. I couldn't do what she wanted. I can't now. I couldn't help her when she needed it. I can't do anything without her. I'm just lost. She's the only person I've ever loved. Ever will love. And she left me. I'm angry with her. How could she do this to me? To us? To everyone? I shouldn't be mad at her. It's not like she could fucking help it, but I am. I just want her here with me and it will never happen. I can't eat. I can't sleep. I can't do anything but think about her. She expects me to find happiness with someone else. How could I? She took everything from me and I'll never get back. Love, happiness, everything. She stole my heart and took it with her.

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Our lawyer called me today and asked me to come in. Jade left a will and a letter behind with him. I didn't care for the will just yet, I only asked for the letter. I took it and shoved it deep down in my pocket before leaving the building. In my car, I took the folded letter out. The front of the letter said not to unfold it until I was at wherever the directions scribbled underneath lead.

I ended up at a dock not far from our house. I walked to the end of the dock and looked out into the horizon. It was one of the beautiful scenes I've ever seen. I reached for the letter in my pocket and read the text written before me.

_"Tori, _

_this is the spot that I realized that I wanted to give us a shot, I figured it would be a nice place for you. But to the point, I'm sorry that you're having to read this, I wish it didn't have to be this way. I'm hoping this letter will help you forgive me because I know you're mad at me. I just hope you aren't sad either. Remember that I only want you happy. I love you with everything that I am, never forget that. You know, I always thought that I would never be happy. And when I found out about the disease, I was sure about it. Then we met again. You changed everything for me. You are the reason I went on with life. You are my everything. So believe me when I say that there was a bright side to this suffering... you." _

**AN: Well, that's it. I apologize if it didn't turn out how you would have liked. I'm not too happy with it either, but... yeah. **

**I would really like to know what everyone thought, yeah, all of you silent readers, you too.**


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